Tag Archives: january

The Blog Post About BIRTHDAY Complexity

Birthdays can be a double-edged sword. For many, they are moments of celebration and joy, a time to gather with loved ones and reflect on the past year. Yet for others, particularly those who have walked through darkness, they can evoke feelings of introspection, nostalgia, and sometimes even sorrow. As someone who has grappled with thoughts of suicide, I’ve come to realize that birthdays represent a complex interplay of emotions and experiences.

On one side, there’s joy—the happiness of another year of life, a moment to celebrate milestones and personal growth. However, there’s also reflection on what has transpired, the struggles faced, and often the painful memories that can resurface. Like I exhibit in my blog post from my birthday last year when I share my poem AS I LAY ME DOWN:

As I lay me down to sleep 

    One last post to 

      his Facebook feed. 

I pray the Lord my soul to keep 

      He types, clutching a bottle of 

        pills ready. 

But if I should die 

before I wake 

        He hits post and 

           hopes for his end. 

I pray God my soul  

will take 

         He’d rather die than keep 

            making countless mistakes. 

But if I should live for other 

days, I pray  

The Lord guide my way 

      And here I am still today. 

Each year, we are reminded not only of how far we’ve come but also of the battles we’ve fought, some of which may still linger. In reflecting on my own experiences, I’ve found that taking a step back during these times can be crucial. I think about the importance of embracing both the light and the shadows that come with birthdays.

When we confront our emotions and allow ourselves to feel—even the difficult ones—we open up the possibility for healing. I remember a quote that resonates with me: **Albert Einstein**: “Learn from yesterday, live for today, hope for tomorrow. The important thing is not to stop questioning.” This idea encapsulates the essence of what many of us face—noticing that setbacks or dark times may also provide us the chance to rebuild, to reevaluate, and to appreciate the life we have.

As I reflect on past birthdays, including my twenty-ninth, I recognize a shift in my perspective. The years leading up to this point were filled with challenges that shaped my outlook on life. Each birthday now feels like a celebration not just of life but of resilience—the ability to keep moving forward, despite the odds.

Here is a look at my differences of perspectives from 29 to thirty through a birthday poem I wrote last year to the one I wrote this year:

“Happy Birthday To Me”

Twenty-nine years today

have come and gone.

I can’t believe that I

have lived this long.

Eighteen years, I thought,

was enough. What will become

waits for us.

Eleven years more, I

have gotten past that.

Over four hundred bright

new days I have seen with

all their clumsy blessings.

Just shy of one thousand

hours I almost didn’t see.

I have decided to keep running.

All the endless possibilities and

beauty I never could see

before I truly started living.

Eleven. Eighteen.

Twenty-nine.

“Twelve. Eighteen. Thirty.”

It’s my Birthday again

Twelve years

of just straight living.

since

Eighteen years of age

I tried to stop my existence.

Thirty years old now,

Jesus that’s crazy!

Twelve. Eighteen. Thirty.

it’s my birthday once more.

Twelve years of living, breathing,

since

Eighteen’s desperate night

I tried to silence my heart’s light

Thirty years old now,

Jesus, that’s a miracle.

I often think about the tools that help me navigate these feelings. Engaging in mindfulness, connecting with others, cultivating gratitude, and practicing self-compassion have all become essential practices. They remind me to stay present, to acknowledge my struggles, and to cherish the moments of joy that arise amidst the chaos.

Additionally, taking breaks and expressing my feelings through writing have been therapeutic. These practices support my mental health, especially during birthdays when emotions can feel particularly heightened. They foster a sense of renewal that allows me to enter a new year with hope and determination.

I encourage anyone wrestling with their feelings about birthdays—or any significant milestones—to give themselves the grace of reflection. Embrace the complexities and allow yourself the time to recharge. Entering a new year can serve as a powerful reminder that, while we may face darkness, there is also light to be found.

In a world that often encourages constant celebration, it’s okay to step back and acknowledge the full spectrum of our emotions. Whether through quiet moments of meditation, heartfelt conversations with loved ones, or simply taking a walk to clear our minds, let’s honor our journeys and the unique paths we have traveled.

Each year brings new possibilities—a chance for growth, healing, and a deeper appreciation for life. So, let’s embrace our complexities, lift each other up, and step forward into 2025 with open hearts and renewed spirits. Here’s to both the celebrations and the reflections that shape us, making every birthday a meaningful part of our journey.

What I’m Currently Working on

These days, my schedule feels like a balancing act of teaching, writing, and refining my craft. As I look ahead to the year winding down and the prospects of what comes after July, I’m eager to share my plans and continued progress. To stay updated on my journey and what I’ll be working on next, feel free to visit the Works in Progress Page or follow the Facebook Page, where I share daily updates and fun tidbits.