JustLj in December

The Blog of Christmas Eve

This post is late. It’s early January as I write this, which feels both ironic and fitting because December, for me, has always lingered. Christmas especially doesn’t end neatly on the 25th. It echoes. It settles.

It asks to be reflected on after the fact, once the noise quiets and what mattered most rises to the surface. So I’m allowing this December post to arrive when it needed to. Not on time, but honestly. When I think about December, about Christmas specifically, my mind doesn’t go to Christmas morning first.

It goes to Christmas Eve. It always has. That night holds a different kind of magic. Quieter, steadier, deeper. It’s the night where time slows just enough for people to find each other again.

According to tradition, Christmas Eve has long been a night of preparation and gatheringHistorically, it marked fasting before feasting, waiting before celebration, darkness before light. In many cultures, it’s the night families come together. Sometimes more intentionally than on Christmas Day itself.

It is anticipation embodied. But beyond tradition, Christmas Eve is personal. It’s the night where everyone is there.

Where travel pauses. Where obligations soften. Where family, however defined, occupies the same physical space and, for a few hours, the same emotional one. It’s not about gifts, really. It’s about presence. For me, Christmas Eve evolved over the years, but its importance hasn’t diminished. The faces around the table have changed. The houses have changed. I’ve changed. But the feeling, that collective pause, that sense of this matters has stayed remarkably intact. There’s something sacred about a night that asks nothing of you except to show up. Charles Dickens once wrote, “I will honor Christmas in my heart, and try to keep it all the year.” I think Christmas Eve is the doorway to that practice.

It’s where intention is set. Where gratitude is felt before it’s expressed. Where love is made visible not through grand gestures, but through proximity. And maybe that’s why Christmas Eve often feels heavier with emotion. It carries memory. It carries absence. It carries hope.

It’s the night where those we miss are felt most strongly and where those we still have feel more precious.

As I’ve gotten older, I’ve come to understand that Christmas Eve isn’t about recreating a perfect tradition. It’s about honoring continuity while allowing evolution. It’s about recognizing that togetherness itself is the gift that the act of gathering, of choosing each other for one intentional event, is enough. That realization inspired the story attached below.

I wanted to give Christmas Eve the spotlight she rarely receives. To personify her. To honor the quiet labor she performs year after year. Bringing people home to each other, creating space for connection, doing the unseen work that makes celebration possible.

This story is not about Santa or spectacle. It’s about service. About anticipation. About the sacred power of preparation and presence. About the night that holds us before the morning arrives.

So this December, late as it is, I offer gratitude for Christmas Eve. For family, however imperfect. For togetherness, however brief. For traditions that adapt instead of break.

And for the nights that ask us only to be.

Story of the Month

by me

The Visit of Christmas Eve

A Tale for the Season

I must tell you of Christmas Eve, though you think you know her already. You have marked her on your calendars, circled her in red, anticipated her arrival with the eagerness of children awaiting gifts. But I tell you truly, you do not know her at all.

She is not what you imagine.

While the great Santa Claus receives all the world’s attention, all its songs and stories, all its wonder and belief, Christmas Eve moves through the darkness like a whisper, like a held breath, like the space between heartbeats. She is discreet where he is jolly. She is mysterious where he is known. She is unsung, and perhaps just perhaps that is precisely as it should be.

For Christmas Eve does not come with fanfare.

She arrives in the afternoon’s fading light, when shadows grow long, and the world begins to slow its frantic pace. She slips through doorways left slightly ajar, moves along streets where lights begin to twinkle, touches the frost on windows with fingers gentle as prayer. She brings with her no bag of toys, no reindeer bells, no Ho-ho-ho to announce her presence.

What does she bring, you ask?

Preparation. Anticipation. The subtle magic of becoming.

Where she walks, hearts begin to open. Old grievances seem suddenly small. Family members traveling from distant places find their journeys smoothed, their impatience transformed to eagerness. In kitchens, hands that have been hurried all day slow their work, finding rhythm and even joy in the rolling of dough, the stirring of pots, the setting of tables with care.

This is her doing, though none credit her for it.

Christmas Eve touches the child who cannot sleep and whispers, “Rest will make tomorrow sweeter.” She steadies the father’s hand as he assembles the bicycle in the garage at midnight. She guides the mother who wraps the last gift with tears in her eyes, remembering her own mother who did the same. She settles over households like a blanket, bringing with her a peculiar peace, not the peace of silence, but the peace of rightness, of things falling into their proper places.

She is the curator of togetherness, the architect of gathering.

Watch her work, if you can catch sight of her at all. See how she moves through the grandmother’s house where three generations will soon arrive, adjusting a picture frame here, straightening a wreath there, her presence ensuring that every detail speaks of welcome. Observe her in the humble apartment where a single parent has done their best with little, how she makes the simple decorations glow with worthiness, with enough-ness.

Christmas Eve knows a secret that Santa, for all his magic, does not: the gift is not in the giving alone, but in the space created for giving to occur. She is that space. She is the pause before the celebration, the breath before the song, the darkness that makes the morning light so precious.

And yet, and here is the peculiar sadness of her station, the night does not belong to her.

It belongs to the families she has prepared. It belongs to the children she has helped to settle. It belongs to the lovers who walk hand-in-hand through snow-dusted streets, to the friends who gather for cocoa and carols, to all the souls she has gently guided toward each other. She creates the conditions for bonding, for feasting, for festivities and games and laughter, for the spreading of that particular fullness that only this night can bring.

Then she withdraws.

She is too humble to remain where she is not the center, too wise to intrude upon what she has helped to create. Unlike Santa, who arrives with spectacle and departs with legend, Christmas Eve simply…fades. She becomes the background hum, the atmospheric blessing, the forgotten architect of the very magic others will remember.

By morning, all will speak of Christmas. Of Santa’s visit, of gifts exchanged, of the meal shared. But who will remember Christmas Eve? Who will credit her patient work, her subtle preparations, her quiet transformation of ordinary hours into sacred time?

Very few. Perhaps none at all.

And yet she returns, year after year, faithful as the turning of the calendar, constant as the winter dark. She asks for no songs, no cookies left out, no tracking of her progress across the globe. She requires no belief to do her work; she simply does it, for the work itself, for the love of what comes after.

So tonight, when the sun sets, and that particular hush begins to fall, when you feel the air change and something inexplicable stir in your chest that is her. That is Christmas Eve, making her rounds, weaving her gentle enchantments, preparing the way for all that is to come.

She is the guiding star of anticipation itself.

She is real, though unheralded. She is present, though unseen. She is the living embodiment of service without recognition, of giving without receiving, of magic worked for its own pure sake.

And if you listen very carefully, in that space between afternoon and night, between the ordinary day and the extraordinary one to come, you might just hear her not speaking, for she is too discreet for that, but breathing. Hoping. Blessing.

Working her quiet wonders while the world waits for someone else entirely.

That is Christmas Eve. That is her story.

And now you know her, just a little better than before.

What I’m Currently Working on

To stay updated on my journey and what I’ll be working on next, feel free to visit the Works in Progress Page or follow the Facebook Page, where I share daily updates and fun tidbits.

JustLj in November : 2 Year Anniversery

The Blog of Two Years

November has always held a quiet magic for me, but this one feels especially full. Today marks two years since I posted my very first JustLj blog on November 30,2023, and somehow, this is already my third November writing here. It’s strange and grounding all at once, like standing in a doorway where the past and present overlap. Anniversaries have a way of making you pause. To look back. To look around.

To look inward. So, for this November, the theme seemed obvious: Two Years. A celebration. A reflection.

A thank you. According to the Oxford English Dictionary, an anniversary is “the yearly recurrence of a date marking a notable event.” But beyond the formal definition, anniversaries are markers of becoming. They show us who we’ve been and hint at who we’re becoming. And two years feels like its own important milestone: not quite new, not quite old, but rooted.

These past two years of blogging have been exactly that for me. An ongoing practice of rooting myself. Of returning here every month and being honest. Of letting this space grow with me, shift with me, wobble with me, and strengthen me.

It hasn’t always been easy, but it has always been real. And woven through November, as always, is the theme of thanks. But this November, gratitude feels deeper, not performative, not seasonal, not obligatory.

It feels earned. Because this year held a lot. Career turns and unexpected opportunities. Rejections that stung more than I admitted. Moments of alignment that reminded me of possibility. Loneliness, clarity, hope, rebuilding. And through it all, writing remained my constant. As JFK once said,

So I’m taking a moment to thank the version of me from two years ago who started this. The version who didn’t know this would go, but trusted themself enough to begin. The version that showed up again the next month, and the next. And the version of me today, still here, still writing, still learning how to be soft and strong at the same time. And to you, whoever is reading this, whether for the first time or the fifteenth. Thank you. Your presence, quiet or enthusiastic, is part of the meaning of this space. You are part of the longevity.

Part of the reason I keep coming back. Brene Brown said,

This blog has helped me understand who I am a little better every month. That is something worth celebrating. So here’s to two years. My second anniversary, my third November, my ongoing becoming. Here’s to gratitude that stays.

Here’s to stories that continue.

Here’s to year three on the horizon. Thank you for being here. Thank you for being part of JustLj. And thank you, November, for marking it all.

Poem of the Month

by me

November Again

November

I hold close every warming ember

Turning the year over toward November

November

The past and future meet where I remember

Breathing in gratitude for another November

What I’m Currently Working on

To stay updated on my journey and what I’ll be working on next, feel free to visit the Works in Progress Page or follow the Facebook Page, where I share daily updates and fun tidbits.

JustLj in September PART II

The Blog Post of Alignment

September arrived like a test of patience and clarity. It felt like the month wanted to ask me, Do you know what you’re really after? Opportunities came and went, some lifting me, others cutting a little deep. In the swirl of it all, I kept circling back to one word: Alignment.

According to the Oxford English Dictionary, alignment is

“an arrangement in a straight line, or in correct relative positions; a position of agreement or alliance.”

It’s about things fitting together, whether in geometry, in groups, or in life. But alignment is not always about perfection. It’s about honesty. It asks us to notice when something resonates and when something doesn’t, even if rejection or loss is part of the process.

This month, I felt both ends of that spectrum. A job in New Jersey that I had quietly hoped for slipped away. I didn’t have the experience they were looking for. Rejection has a way of echoing louder than acceptance, and I’ll admit it stung. It raised doubts, making me wonder if I had misjudged my skills or if I would ever be seen as enough. However, almost as if it were a balancing act, another offer soon appeared. A position closer to home. On paper, it looked promising, and the fact that they wanted me felt like an ego boost. Proof that someone out there saw my potential. Yet when I sat with it, I realized it didn’t align with the life I’m building right now. Saying no was difficult, but it also reminded me that belonging somewhere doesn’t mean I should belong everywhere. Alignment requires discernment, not just acceptance.

Now I find myself waiting, hopeful, for another opportunity, one that actually feels aligned. The position aligns with my career path, academic studies, and personal values. It’s a waiting game, and waiting is never easy. But this month has taught me that being in alignment doesn’t mean rushing to fill the gaps; it means trusting that the right pieces will meet you halfway. Here are some famous voices that echo this truth:

Key Realizing Dream Focus Success Significance Small Steps Victories Path  Greater Meaning Oprah Winfrey Walk Show Host

Im learning that alignment doesn’t guarantee smooth sailing. It doesn’t mean rejection won’t sting or decisions won’t feel heavy. Instead, it gives me a compass. A way to measure if I am moving in step with the person I am becoming. And as September closes, that compass points to patience, self-trust, and the reminder that alignment is not about saying yes to every door that opens, but about knowing which ones are truly mine to walk through.

Poem of the Month

by me

In Line With Myself

I used to chase every spark,

hands raw from holding flames

never meant to keep me warm.

Now I pause at the threshold,

listening

does the floor echo my name?

Does the air carry my breath back whole/

rejection cuts, yes,

but it also carves a path,

a sharper edge of knowing.

Alignment is not applause,

not every nod of approval

it is the quiet click

of self and circumstances meeting

without force.

And if the right door waits,

I will know it not by chance,

but by the steadiness in my chest,

the soft alignment of who I am

with where I’m called to be.

What I’m Currently Working on

To stay updated on my journey and what I’ll be working on next, feel free to visit the Works in Progress Page or follow the Facebook Page, where I share daily updates and fun tidbits.

JustLj in August PART II

The Sense Of Belonging – TAIT CLUB

The Blog Post of Belonging

August slipped away before I could catch it. Perhaps that’s how months pass when your life is in a state of transition. You look up and realize whole weeks have vanished into something new. This month, the rhythm of my summer gave way to syllabi, assignments, and log-in screens. I officially began graduate school at the University of North Texas, pursuing a degree in Library Science with a focus on Children’s and Young Adult Librarianship. It’s still strange to write that out. Me, a grad student. Because if I’m being honest, I never really saw myself as “academic.” My path hasn’t always followed the neat, linear lines of a textbook.

And yet here I am, with discussion boards and readings stacked up next to piles of ready notebooks, stepping into a space that demands more of me than I expected. It’s exhilarating, yes, but it’s also a bit terrifying.  Some days, imposter syndrome finds its way into the room before I do, whispering that maybe I don’t belong here. Which is why this month’s word feels so important. Belonging. According to the Oxford English Dictionary, belonging is:

“an affinity for a place or situation; the feeling of being comfortable and accepted.”

It sounds simple, almost effortless, as if belonging just happens the moment you arrive somewhere. But what I’ve learned is that belonging is rarely instant. More often, it’s something you grow into. Or something you create for yourself when the soil feels foreign. That tension is where I’ve been living for the past month.

One thing is certain: to say an unconditional yes to the mutual belonging  of all beings will make this a more joyful world". - David Steindl-Rast  Let's bring in February! 🥰🙌🌞

On one hand, there’s the thrill of grad school: new knowledge, new goals, the possibility of building a life rooted in the things I love most. On the other hand, there’s the ache of dislocation. I miss New Jersey: the friendships, the little routines that grounded me, the confidence I found in navigating a place that once felt strange and then became familiar. I carry those streets and people like a second skin. And yet, I had longed to return to Texas. I wanted the closeness of family, the comfort of being near the people who know me from the ground up.

Coming home felt like it should be the cure to longing. But Texas has greeted me with complexity. Beyond family, the culture doesn’t quite click for me; the energy feels different, sometimes even unwelcoming. So I am caught between two landscapes: one that holds my history and one that holds my heart. Neither feels like a perfect fit, and maybe that’s what belonging really is. The constant negotiation between where you are and who you are becoming.

Maya Angelou once wrote, “You are only free when you realize you belong no place. You belong every. No place at all. The price is high. The reward is great.” I think about that often as I walk through my new routines. Perhaps belonging is less about perfect alignment and more about realizing that no place will ever feel complete without the courage to show up authentically. Brene Brown echoes this: “True belonging doesn’t require you to change who you are; it requires you to be who you are.” That’s hard for me as someone who is still learning to stand fully in myself.

It’s easier to shrink or to question if I’ve earned the right to sit in the spaces I’ve found myself in. But Brown reminds me that belonging doesn’t come from fitting into the mold. It comes from refusing to mold myself into something Im not. And Rainer Maria Rilke offers a softer wisdom: “The only journey is the one within.” Which makes me wonder if belonging is less about the external. City, state, campus, or community. And more about the internal. If I cultivate belonging within myself, perhaps every place I live and every role I take on becomes another layer of that belonging, not the definition of it. So here’s what I know as August closes:

I may not fully belong to Texas, and I may not be as deeply rooted in grad school as I hope to be one day. But I belong to myself, to my values, and to the journey I’ve chosen to take.  And maybe, for now, that is enough.

Poem of the Month

by me

I Belong to Me

I am the house I return to,

the key always waiting in my palm.

No city can lock me out,

no classroom can shrink my frame.

I carry my own doorway,

step through, and I am home.

The streets I’ve loved will fade into dream,

their voices stored in my marrow,

but they do not define me.

Even here, where the air feels strange,

my breath makes the map.

I mark the ground with presence,

not permission.

Belonging is not borrowed,

not granted, not earned.

It is grown like a flame in the ribcage,

a quiet fire that refuses to dim.

And when doubt comes knocking,

I light every window,

answer the door with my whole name.

I belong to me,

and in that,

I belong everywhere.

What I’m Currently Working on

To stay updated on my journey and what I’ll be working on next, feel free to visit the Works in Progress Page or follow the Facebook Page, where I share daily updates and fun tidbits.

JustLj in July PART II

The Patient Blog Post

Patience. I want to sit with that word for a second. Not rush into defining it or dressing it up. Just let it breathe on the page the way I’ve had to let it breathe in my life this month. Patience. It’s not my favorite virtue, and yet it’s the one I keep getting handed. Like an unwanted gift that turns out to be exactly what you needed, even if it didn’t come wrapped in joy or ease or immediacy. Not dramatically. But definitely. What is Patience, anyway?

The word comes from the Latin patiēntia, meaning “the quality of suffering”—which makes it make a lot more sense, actually.  Patience isn’t waiting quietly with a smile on your face. It’s enduring.  It’s staying when you want to leave. It’s breathing when everything tightens. It’s loving something, or someone, or yourself…even when you don’t have the proof yet that it’ll all be okay. There’s a quote I found that resonated with me:

Patience is not the ability to wait, but the ability to keep a good attitude while waiting.”—Joyce Meyer

However, I’d like to push that a little further. Because sometimes a “good attitude” is just not lashing out. I didn’t give up. I let it hurt and didn’t make it worse. That counts too.

This month, I have been sitting with uncertainty. Big things. Personal shifts. And maybe most meaningfully, I embraced my genderqueerness more boldly than ever before. People I miss.Conversations unfinished. Doors that wouldn’t open, no matter how I knocked.

And you know what? I didn’t kick them down this time. I sat. I sat with the silence and the non-answer. I chose slowness even when I wanted to sprint. I let space exist between me and resolution.

I told myself: “Let it unfold. You don’t need to hold the ending yet.” And that wasn’t always peaceful. But it was patient. I think that counts too. Patience isn’t passive. It’s trust wearing sweatpants. It’s saying, “I still believe in the garden, even when all I see is dirt.” It’s choosing not to scream at the seed.

Poem of the Month

by me

How to Be Patient

Step one: sit with the ache.

don’t ice it.

don’t explain it.

let it be sore, let it breathe.

even if it bruises your pride.

Step two: stop refreshing the page.

the message will come when it comes.

the moment will move when it’s ready.

no amount of checking will make the clock hurry.

Step three: whisper kindness to yourself.

not promises. not platitudes. just

“I’m still here.”

“I’m still learning.”

“I’m still worth it.”

Step four: let life take the long way.

the shortcut never sees the view.

and you are here to witness

not just to arrive.

Story of the Month

by me

The Waiting Place

There was once a boy who was always rushing ahead, certain that life was hiding something better just around the corner. One day, he met an old woman sitting beside a still pond. She told him this was the Waiting Place.

“How do I get out?” he asked.

“You don’t,” she said. “Not until you learn to love the pause.”

He sat beside her, angry and aching and anxious, but she didn’t say another word. Just smiled softly, her hands in her lap like she had all the time in the world.

Eventually, he stopped asking.

Eventually, he started listening.

Eventually, the wind changed, the water moved, and he stood—lighter, slower. somewhere wiser.

He turned to thank her, but she was gone. Only her seat remained, still warm.

Im heading into August with the same warmth in my chest. I don’t have all the answers, but I’m staying close to the quiet. Close to the process. Close to myself. Patience isn’t easy, but it’s powerful. And I’m practicing it like a spell.

See you next month.

—Lj

What I’m Currently Working on

These days, my schedule feels like a careful balancing act as I shift from teaching to focusing on writing and refining my craft. I returned to Texas around June 20th, having completed my year of service in New Jersey. I’m no longer tutoring, as that was part of my program at the time. With middle school testing behind me, I find myself eagerly awaiting the start of my graduate school classes at UNT on August 18th. This past year has been quite transformative, and I’m excited to share my plans and the progress I’ve made during this time. To stay updated on my journey and what I’ll be working on next, feel free to visit the Works in Progress Page or follow the Facebook Page, where I share daily updates and fun tidbits.

JustLj in June PART II

The Shifting Blog Post

June didn’t crash or crescendo — it shifted. Quietly, slowly, almost imperceptibly at times. But I felt it. In conversations I didn’t force. In moments, I chose to sit with rather than fix. In the way I showed up for others, and maybe more importantly, for myself. This was the kind you notice when you’re brushing your teeth, staring at the ceiling, or standing still in a room that used to feel heavier. June moved me. Not dramatically. But definitely. And in a way that matters.

According to the Oxford Dictionary, to shift means “to change the place, position, or direction of something”— but it also means “to change gears,” “to assume responsibility,” or ” to move subtly in tone or meaning.” It’s a word built for motion, but not always motion you can see. As Maya Angelou once said, ” We delight in the beauty of the butterfly, but rarely admit the changes it has gone through to achieve that beauty.” And bell hooks reminds us, ” Healing is an act of communion.” To shift, then, isn’t just about you. It’s about adjusting in ways that let others breathe. Shifting can be an act of grace. A quiet apology. A new boundary. A softer tone. A deeper truth. A held silence.

Famous Quotes By Maya Angelou. QuotesGram

This June, the shifts were personal and real. My year of service came to an end— closing a chapter that stretched and shaped me in quiet, relentless ways. I moved back to Texas, returning with more clarity, more softness, and a deeper sense of who I am and who I’m still becoming. And maybe most meaningfully, I embraced my genderqueerness more boldly than ever before. During Pride Month, I didn’t just show up — I showed. I claimed space with both softness and strength, and I wrote it all down. Here’s a poem I shared this June, that still echoes in me:

May be an image of text that says 'I wore the shape they gave me. Stood where I was told to stand Flexed in all the wrong directions and wondered why it hurt to hold what never quite held me. then- You were there even quiet, soft-shouldered, waiting in the margins of the mirror with a knowing I didn't yet know. (But oh, I felt you. Felt me.)'
May be a graphic of text that says 'Il. NEUTRAL (Yellow & Smoke & Stillness) Now, I stand in-between with dirt under my fingernails and light in my lungs. No need to choose a box when I can be the space between them. Not undecided -just unbottered. Not hiding- -just humming. I build my breath here, in rooms with no ceiling, learning to be both door and key.'
May be an image of text that says 'III. FLUID (Lavender & Wild Water) Some days I shift mid-sentence. Some days I am sentence and song. Some days I am the question. Some days the poem. I move like weather. Like wonder. And you- You move with me. You always did. There's nothing broken about changing. There's nothing fake about becoming. There's only freedom in it. And it fits you like breath.'
May be an image of text that says 'IV. (Soft & Bright & Clarity) When she shows up in you, in the swing of a word, the curve of a wrist, the joy in being clocked right- don't flinch. She is not a mask. She is a mirror. She is your voice in another octave. Let her dance. Let her shimmer. Let her rest On you like sunlight and stay as long as she likes.'
May be an image of text that says 'V. QUEER (Color Compass) This is not a phase. This is not confusion. This is not for them. This is for you. This is you. The you who is too real to define, too full to simplify, too alive to settle. You are the space between binaries. You are a story truth in every silence. So turn it up. And let yourself sing'

Shifts are constant. That’s why, over the past two years of writing this monthly blog, a recurring theme has surfaced again and again–under different names like change, growth, and now shift. Each word marks a moment, a feeling, a phase of moving forward, even when the steps aren’t clear or easy. Change and growth have been anchors before, but this shift feels different — more fluid, less about arriving and more about navigating the in-between. It reminds me that to live authentically, we can’t settle. We have to keep moving, even when it’s uncomfortable or uncertain, because that movement is what shapes who we are becoming.

As the poet Rainer Maria Rilke wrote, “Let everything happen to you: beauty and terror. Just keep going. No feeling is final.” This echoes the necessity of embracing shifts — not resisting the tides of life, but flowing with them. Similarly, Virginia Woolf observed, “Life is not a series of gig lamps symmetrically arranged; life is a luminous halo, a semi-transparent envelope surrounding us from the beginning of consciousness to the end.” The halo is never static; it moves and changes shape, just as we must. Even the philosopher Heraclitus famously said, ” You cannot step into the same river twice,” reminding us that change and shift are the very nature of existence. To live authentically, then, is to accept that we are always in motion, always becoming something new.

At the heart of all these shifts, growth, and changes is one undeniable truth: we are all human — imperfect, evolving, and beautifully complex. No one’s journey should be judged or rushed. As the Apostle Paul reminds us in 2 Corinthians 12:9, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Our vulnerabilities, our shifts, and our slow growth are not signs of failure, but of life’s grace working within us. Jesus himself said in John 13:34, “A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another.” That love includes compassion for ourselves and others as we move through seasons of change. So whether you’re shifting quietly, growing boldly, or changing completely, remember: this is your sacred path. Your pace is your own, and every step is worthy of respect and kindness— because being human means never standing still.

What I’m Currently Working on

These days, my schedule feels like a careful balancing act as I shift from teaching to focusing on writing and refining my craft. I returned to Texas around June 20th after completing my year of service in New Jersey. I’m no longer tutoring, as that was part of my program there. With middle school testing behind me, I find myself eagerly awaiting the start of my graduate school classes at UNT on August 18th. This past year has been quite transformative, and I’m excited to share my plans and the progress I’ve made during this time. To stay updated on my journey and what I’ll be working on next, feel free to visit the Works in Progress Page or follow the Facebook Page, where I share daily updates and fun tidbits.

Poem of the Month

by me

Unworthily Worthy

— all about being human and still deserving to be seen.

Worthy Pictures | Download Free Images ...

They said I stood too close to the

wrong people.

But I only ever stood beside

humans.

And that’s what we all are—

not right or wrong,

good or bad,

just…human.

Messy,

misunderstood,

changing shape in each other’s

eyes.

We lie sometimes.

We love sometimes.

We lash out and we let go.

We grow and we grieve and we

get it wrong.

That’s being human.

Not better. Not worse.

Just—

born into brokenness,

carrying light in some rooms

and shadows in others.

And if being close to someone

flawed

makes me questionable,

then we’re all guilty

of being human together.

You can’t know someone’s worth

by who they sit beside.

You can’t measure a heart

by another”s history.

We are not math.

We are not clean.

We are not pure or impure.

We just are.

And that is.

We all walk with contradictions—

mine just showed up in who I

chose to see.

But still,

I believe we’re worth the seeing.

JustLj in May PART II

The Remembering Blog Post

Hi friends, We’re at the end of May, and if you know me, you know I always land on one word to hold the month’s meaning. This time, the word is remember.

According to the Oxford Dictionary, remember means “to have in or be able to bring to one’s mind an awareness of (someone or something from the past).” And today, on Memorial Day — a day we set aside to remember and honor those who’ve gone before, particularly those who gave their lives in service — that word feels even heavier, even more alive. I’ve been sitting with that weight all month. Maya Angelou reminds us: “We may encounter many defeats, but we must not be defeated. I can be changed by what happens to me. But I refuse to be reduced by it.”

This May has been a month of looking back and looking forward. Exactly one year ago today, I was standing in cap and gown, graduating from SNHU — heart full, future wide open. Now, I stand at the edge of another goodbye — wrapping up my time with the GOLegacy Foundation fellowship, preparing to part ways with students and staff who have shaped my days, my work, and honestly, pieces of who I’ve become this past year.

There’s something sacred in this moment — the in-between space where you hold the past close while stepping into what’s next. To remember is not just to look back. It’s to choose which parts of yourself you carry forward. It’s to let memory shape you, but not chain you.

It’s to honor who you’ve been — and then dare to become someone even braver, even fuller, even more yourself. So here’s to remembering — and to being memorable, not because we chased it, but because we showed up fully.

Thanks for walking this month with me. See you in June.

What I’m Currently Working on

These days, my schedule feels like a careful balancing act as teaching, writing, and refining my craft take center stage. With testing for middle schoolers beginning, work has slowed down a bit, but it remains high maintenance as I navigate these critical weeks. As I look ahead to the end of my one-year contract on June 13th, I have only 3 weeks left. I’m eager to share my plans and the progress I’m making during this time, such as my acceptance into UNT for graduate school this fall. To stay updated on my journey and what I’ll be working on next, feel free to visit the Works in Progress Page or follow the Facebook Page, where I share daily updates and fun tidbits.

Poem of the Month

by me

Remembering to be Memorable

The importance of a memorable brand

remember:

you were here.

you mattered.

you left fingerprints on the hours,

on the rooms you walked through,

on the hearts you met and mended.

remember:

you won’t get it all right,

but you did get some things right.

you stayed.

you tried.

you softened when you could have hardened.

you listened when you could have turned away.

remember:

being memorable isn’t about being loud.

it’s about leaving something behind

that’s gentle,

lasting,

felt in the quiet moments

when no one is watching.

remember:

as you go —

the best parts of you are not over.

they are unfolding,

becoming,

waiting

in the next place,

the next face,

the next you.

JustLj in April PART II

The Blog Post of Momentum

This season of renewal is a poignant reminder of how momentum manifests in our lives, both literally and metaphorically. Just as the world around us springs back to life, I find myself in a space of transition, bidding farewell to my fellowship program while also stirring with anticipation for the new journey of graduate school ahead.

Spring is that beautiful time of year when everything seems to awaken from its slumber—flowers bloom, trees bud, and the days grow longer, symbolizing hope and resilience. In the same way, I am moving through my own cycle of endings and beginnings. Ending my fellowship program feels bittersweet; I’ve cherished the connections and experiences that have shaped my path. Yet, as I say goodbye, I also feel the undercurrents of momentum pulling me toward the exciting prospect of further education—an essential step in my personal and professional growth.

Momentum is often defined in physics as the quantity of motion of a moving body, but it also represents the drive and energy that propel us forward in life. It’s that powerful force that keeps us moving, especially through times of uncertainty. As Arthur Ashe famously said, “Start where you are. Use what you have. Do what you can.” This embodies the essence of momentum. It’s not always about being at full speed; sometimes, it’s about taking that first small step, even when it feels daunting.

I’ve sensed this struggle vividly—the challenge of starting something new often feels heavier than the act of keeping it going. The inertia of beginnings can be overwhelming, as we contemplate the vast terrain of possibilities that lie ahead. Yet, once we begin, once we harness the energy of our intent, the sheer act of engaging pushes us forward. Like Newton’s first law of motion states, “An object in motion stays in motion,” this principle resonates deeply; once we find that initial push, momentum carries us with grace.

As I move through this transitional period, I am learning that the power of momentum is especially vital when motivation wanes. There are days when I might not feel inspired, or the weight of uncertainty clouds my perspective. It’s during these moments that I rely on the momentum I’ve built through focus and dedication, reminding myself that even small strides add up. The slow build to action is just as significant as leaps forward; every step nurtures the growth I seek.

The intersection of goodbyes and new beginnings can be emotional, but it’s also rich with potential. Each farewell carries with it the lessons learned, while each new endeavor is filled with hope. As I reflect on my journey, I’m grateful for the support of friends and mentors who have fueled my momentum, encouraging me to embrace change with open arms.

I encourage you all to consider the role of momentum in your lives. Whether you’re ending a chapter or beginning a new one, recognize the energy that springs forth in these transitions. Allow yourself to feel the rhythm of motion that invites growth, and remember that while the start may feel slow, the journey often gathers speed over time.

What I’m Currently Working on

These days, my schedule feels like a careful balancing act as teaching, writing, and refining my craft take center stage. With testing for middle schoolers beginning, work has slowed down a bit, but it remains high maintenance as I navigate these critical weeks. As I look ahead to the end of my one-year contract on June 13th, I have only 6 working weeks left. I’m eager to share my plans and the progress I’m making during this time, such as my acceptance into UNT for graduate school this fall. To stay updated on my journey and what I’ll be working on next, feel free to visit the Works in Progress Page or follow the Facebook Page, where I share daily updates and fun tidbits.

Poem of the Month

by me

First Push

Person Pushing Vector SVG Icon - SVG Repo

It’s not the motion.

It’s the moment before it.

That stillness that

sticks to your skin.

That breath you hold

because starting feels

like breathing something.

You don’t want to fail.

You don’t want to fly either.

Too much wind

It’s just as scary as the wall.

But then–

A toe shifts.

A breath, let’s go.

A truth unclenches.

And the body remembers

what the spirit forgot:

How to move.

Not fast.

Not clean.

But real.

You don’t need speed.

You need the push.

You need the nudge.

You need the small voice

That says,

Go.

That’s momentum.

Not magic.

Not easy.

But alive.

And already in you.

JustLj in JanuaryPART II

The Blog Post About BIRTHDAY Complexity

Birthdays can be a double-edged sword. For many, they are moments of celebration and joy, a time to gather with loved ones and reflect on the past year. Yet for others, particularly those who have walked through darkness, they can evoke feelings of introspection, nostalgia, and sometimes even sorrow. As someone who has grappled with thoughts of suicide, I’ve come to realize that birthdays represent a complex interplay of emotions and experiences.

On one side, there’s joy—the happiness of another year of life, a moment to celebrate milestones and personal growth. However, there’s also reflection on what has transpired, the struggles faced, and often the painful memories that can resurface. Like I exhibit in my blog post from my birthday last year when I share my poem AS I LAY ME DOWN:

As I lay me down to sleep 

    One last post to 

      his Facebook feed. 

I pray the Lord my soul to keep 

      He types, clutching a bottle of 

        pills ready. 

But if I should die 

before I wake 

        He hits post and 

           hopes for his end. 

I pray God my soul  

will take 

         He’d rather die than keep 

            making countless mistakes. 

But if I should live for other 

days, I pray  

The Lord guide my way 

      And here I am still today. 

Each year, we are reminded not only of how far we’ve come but also of the battles we’ve fought, some of which may still linger. In reflecting on my own experiences, I’ve found that taking a step back during these times can be crucial. I think about the importance of embracing both the light and the shadows that come with birthdays.

When we confront our emotions and allow ourselves to feel—even the difficult ones—we open up the possibility for healing. I remember a quote that resonates with me: **Albert Einstein**: “Learn from yesterday, live for today, hope for tomorrow. The important thing is not to stop questioning.” This idea encapsulates the essence of what many of us face—noticing that setbacks or dark times may also provide us the chance to rebuild, to reevaluate, and to appreciate the life we have.

As I reflect on past birthdays, including my twenty-ninth, I recognize a shift in my perspective. The years leading up to this point were filled with challenges that shaped my outlook on life. Each birthday now feels like a celebration not just of life but of resilience—the ability to keep moving forward, despite the odds.

Here is a look at my differences of perspectives from 29 to thirty through a birthday poem I wrote last year to the one I wrote this year:

“Happy Birthday To Me”

Twenty-nine years today

have come and gone.

I can’t believe that I

have lived this long.

Eighteen years, I thought,

was enough. What will become

waits for us.

Eleven years more, I

have gotten past that.

Over four hundred bright

new days I have seen with

all their clumsy blessings.

Just shy of one thousand

hours I almost didn’t see.

I have decided to keep running.

All the endless possibilities and

beauty I never could see

before I truly started living.

Eleven. Eighteen.

Twenty-nine.

“Twelve. Eighteen. Thirty.”

It’s my Birthday again

Twelve years

of just straight living.

since

Eighteen years of age

I tried to stop my existence.

Thirty years old now,

Jesus that’s crazy!

Twelve. Eighteen. Thirty.

it’s my birthday once more.

Twelve years of living, breathing,

since

Eighteen’s desperate night

I tried to silence my heart’s light

Thirty years old now,

Jesus, that’s a miracle.

I often think about the tools that help me navigate these feelings. Engaging in mindfulness, connecting with others, cultivating gratitude, and practicing self-compassion have all become essential practices. They remind me to stay present, to acknowledge my struggles, and to cherish the moments of joy that arise amidst the chaos.

Additionally, taking breaks and expressing my feelings through writing have been therapeutic. These practices support my mental health, especially during birthdays when emotions can feel particularly heightened. They foster a sense of renewal that allows me to enter a new year with hope and determination.

I encourage anyone wrestling with their feelings about birthdays—or any significant milestones—to give themselves the grace of reflection. Embrace the complexities and allow yourself the time to recharge. Entering a new year can serve as a powerful reminder that, while we may face darkness, there is also light to be found.

In a world that often encourages constant celebration, it’s okay to step back and acknowledge the full spectrum of our emotions. Whether through quiet moments of meditation, heartfelt conversations with loved ones, or simply taking a walk to clear our minds, let’s honor our journeys and the unique paths we have traveled.

Each year brings new possibilities—a chance for growth, healing, and a deeper appreciation for life. So, let’s embrace our complexities, lift each other up, and step forward into 2025 with open hearts and renewed spirits. Here’s to both the celebrations and the reflections that shape us, making every birthday a meaningful part of our journey.

What I’m Currently Working on

These days, my schedule feels like a balancing act of teaching, writing, and refining my craft. As I look ahead to the year winding down and the prospects of what comes after July, I’m eager to share my plans and continued progress. To stay updated on my journey and what I’ll be working on next, feel free to visit the Works in Progress Page or follow the Facebook Page, where I share daily updates and fun tidbits.

Poem for the Month

This month I am going to do something a little diffrent as I am going to post a poem of one of my friends they wrote to me for my Birthday. I am going to do so annamylously because I do not have permision to share it. However it highlights the sentiment I discussed about friends and connections helping in these times of complexities. this amazing friend wrote this nameless poem in resonse to my poem “Twelve Eightenn Thirty.”

Mr. Lj is truly great,

he has a heart of gold and a mind that shines,

even in the darkest of nights,

it’s no secret he is a true delight,

for if there was no Eccles,

there’d be no bright ideas from a friend in sight.

So happy birthday Mr. Lj Eccles,

your kindle could never be smothered,

that’s why from 18 to 30

you doubled your wisdom

that 12 to 18 could not have envisioned.

JustLj in May

The Blog Post of Celebration

Life has meaning only in the struggle. Triumph or defeat is in the hands of the Gods. So let us celebrate the struggle!

Stevie Wonder

This month has certainly been a doozy, but in the best of ways. May 25th was my commitment ceremony for my time studying at Southern New Hampshire University (SNHU). Not only that, but throughout the whole month, I have taken the time to not only reflect, which I mostly did last month, but also to celebrate my accomplishment fully, not just on the 25th. As the above Stevie Wonder quote expresses and inspires times of struggle, call for proper celebration.

My college journey started in 2019. First, I studied hard and got my GED that same year and followed the momentum without a second thought, and enrolled in college. I chose SNHU because it had online courses and an English and creative writing program. I didn’t really know what I wanted to do with a degree but I knew I wanted to get one to prove to myself I could. As for the chosen major and program, I had been writing poetry for myself since I was 18 to cope with my depression and anxiety, so I thought it was a good start reference to study. If Im being honest, though, in those early days, I really doubted myself because I hadn’t stayed with a full commitment to something for too long in my adulthood at that point. So, the fact that I have now completed the process is unbelievable and overwhelming to me and worth celebrating. I apologize now because I have a feeling this won’t be the last time I write on this, and yes, Im aware most of my blog posts have been about my impending graduation, but that’s because it is such a monumental deal for me. Celebrating this journey and no accomplished endeavor is what I hope is the first of many big deal moments moving forward in the future that calls for celebration.

However, my achievement made me think about celebration hard hence why I am writing about it this month in this blog. Sadly as someone who lives and struggles with mental health issues, I have not given myself many opportunities to personally celebrate, so I have never given the word much thorough investigation, surprisingly. The Oxford Dictionary defines celebration as : to show that a day or an event is important by doing something special on it. Given this definition, why don’t we/I celebrate every day?

Even the earlier shared quote from Stevie Wonder begs this question because if every day is a struggle and we should celebrate the struggle why do we all pick special and specific days and events to fully celebrate? As a person who doesn’t give myself enough credit, the commencement ceremony was so special for me; my family gathering and showering me with gifts, treats, and sweet words was everything; it felt so good and so foreign. Should it have felt so foreign, though, is that right that it was, is that a personal problem or one society has created? As a writer, of course, my response to these questions was to find more quotes and seeing others’ thoughts on this concern :

I think people in Italy live their lives better than we do. It’s an older country, and they’ve learned to celebrate dinner and lunch, whereas we sort of eat as quickly as we can to get through it.

George Clooney

The more you praise and celebrate your life, the more there is in life to celebrate.

Oprah Winfrey.

These respective quotes shed light on my concern for celebration and lack there of common self-celebration. Out of the two I really like the Clooney one because it really highlights how this issue could well be and likely is a societal problem in American culture. I do believe, however that this problem is fading because of influential people and work bringing attention to it. As someone who tried to stop my life way too early, I fortunately understand and know now how every day is precious, beautiful, meaningful, and worth celebrating. I also know, unfortunately that not everyone feels this way or has come to this understanding as of yet. If you are one of those people in the ladder group, first, I am so happy you have found your way to my page as that is its purpose, but more importantly, even though I know how hard it is to take the time every day to celebrate yourself and the fact you have stepped into and completed yet another day.

What I’m Currently Working on

As always, to follow my progression or what I am doing, you can head over to the Works in Progress Page or follow the Facebook Page where I post updates and share fun tidbits daily.

Author Recommendation

Neil Gaiman to adapt Terry Pratchett ...

this month’s author recommendation is a duo, Terry Pratchett and Neil Gaiman. Currently, I am reading the classic that is Good Omens. For those who have never read it, I highly recommend it. Pratchett and Gaiman create a fun, witty, and innovative narrative on good and evil through the perspective of a cast of wack, goofy, and smart characters with unique takes on life as the world is on the brink of Armageddon. As my readers know, I like to make my monthly recommendations tie into my theme for the month, and I dug deep and wrapped my brain tirelessly to do so for this novel and came up with this quote from the book:

“The world is full of all sorts of brilliant stuff and I haven’t found out all about it yet, so I don’t want anyone messing it about or endin’ it before I’ve had a chance to find out about it. So you can all just go away.”
― Neil Gaiman, Good Omens: The Nice and Accurate Prophecies of Agnes Nutter, Witch

This quote plays into the latter notion of my thoughts on self-celebration in the blog, as it truly captures the element that a new day of living is worth celebrating alone.

Poem for the Month

More Than Enough

BY MARGE PIERCY

The first lily of June opens its red mouth.

All over the sand road where we walk

multiflora rose climbs trees cascading

white or pink blossoms, simple, intense

the scene drifting like colored mist.

The arrowhead is spreading its creamy

clumps of flower and the blackberries

are blooming in the thickets. Season of

joy for the bee. The green will never

again be so green, so purely and lushly

new, grass lifting its wheaty seedheads

into the wind. Rich fresh wine

of June, we stagger into you smeared

with pollen, overcome as the turtle

laying her eggs in roadside sand.