November has always held a quiet magic for me, but this one feels especially full. Today marks two years since I posted my very first JustLj blog on November 30,2023, and somehow, this is already my third November writing here. It’s strange and grounding all at once, like standing in a doorway where the past and present overlap. Anniversaries have a way of making you pause. To look back. To look around.
To look inward. So, for this November, the theme seemed obvious: Two Years. A celebration. A reflection.
A thank you. According to the Oxford English Dictionary, an anniversary is “the yearly recurrence of a date marking a notable event.” But beyond the formal definition, anniversaries are markers of becoming. They show us who we’ve been and hint at who we’re becoming. And two years feels like its own important milestone: not quite new, not quite old, but rooted.
These past two years of blogging have been exactly that for me. An ongoing practice of rooting myself. Of returning here every month and being honest. Of letting this space grow with me, shift with me, wobble with me, and strengthen me.
It hasn’t always been easy, but it has always been real. And woven through November, as always, is the theme of thanks. But this November, gratitude feels deeper, not performative, not seasonal, not obligatory.
It feels earned. Because this year held a lot. Career turns and unexpected opportunities. Rejections that stung more than I admitted. Moments of alignment that reminded me of possibility. Loneliness, clarity, hope, rebuilding. And through it all, writing remained my constant. As JFK once said,
So I’m taking a moment to thank the version of me from two years ago who started this. The version who didn’t know this would go, but trusted themself enough to begin. The version that showed up again the next month, and the next. And the version of me today, still here, still writing, still learning how to be soft and strong at the same time. And to you, whoever is reading this, whether for the first time or the fifteenth. Thank you. Your presence, quiet or enthusiastic, is part of the meaning of this space. You are part of the longevity.
Part of the reason I keep coming back. Brene Brown said,
This blog has helped me understand who I am a little better every month. That is something worth celebrating. So here’s to two years. My second anniversary, my third November, my ongoing becoming. Here’s to gratitude that stays.
Here’s to stories that continue.
Here’s to year three on the horizon. Thank you for being here. Thank you for being part of JustLj. And thank you, November, for marking it all.
Poem of the Month
by me
November Again
November
I hold close every warming ember
Turning the year over toward November
November
The past and future meet where I remember
Breathing in gratitude for another November
What I’m Currently Working on
To stay updated on my journey and what I’ll be working on next, feel free to visit the Works in Progress Page or follow the Facebook Page, where I share daily updates and fun tidbits.
June didn’t crash or crescendo — it shifted. Quietly, slowly, almost imperceptibly at times. But I felt it. In conversations I didn’t force. In moments, I chose to sit with rather than fix. In the way I showed up for others, and maybe more importantly, for myself. This was the kind you notice when you’re brushing your teeth, staring at the ceiling, or standing still in a room that used to feel heavier. June moved me. Not dramatically. But definitely. And in a way that matters.
According to the Oxford Dictionary, to shift means “to change the place, position, or direction of something”— but it also means “to change gears,” “to assume responsibility,” or ” to move subtly in tone or meaning.” It’s a word built for motion, but not always motion you can see. As Maya Angelou once said, ” We delight in the beauty of the butterfly, but rarely admit the changes it has gone through to achieve that beauty.” And bell hooks reminds us, ” Healing is an act of communion.”To shift, then, isn’t just about you. It’s about adjusting in ways that let others breathe. Shifting can be an act of grace. A quiet apology. A new boundary. A softer tone. A deeper truth. A held silence.
This June, the shifts were personal and real. My year of service came to an end— closing a chapter that stretched and shaped me in quiet, relentless ways. I moved back to Texas, returning with more clarity, more softness, and a deeper sense of who I am and who I’m still becoming. And maybe most meaningfully, I embraced my genderqueerness more boldly than ever before. During Pride Month, I didn’t just show up — I showed. I claimed space with both softness and strength, and I wrote it all down. Here’s a poem I shared this June, that still echoes in me:
Shifts are constant. That’s why, over the past two years of writing this monthly blog, a recurring theme has surfaced again and again–under different names like change, growth, and now shift. Each word marks a moment, a feeling, a phase of moving forward, even when the steps aren’t clear or easy. Change and growth have been anchors before, but this shift feels different — more fluid, less about arriving and more about navigating the in-between. It reminds me that to live authentically, we can’t settle. We have to keep moving, even when it’s uncomfortable or uncertain, because that movement is what shapes who we are becoming.
As the poet Rainer Maria Rilke wrote, “Let everything happen to you: beauty and terror. Just keep going. No feeling is final.” This echoes the necessity of embracing shifts — not resisting the tides of life, but flowing with them. Similarly, Virginia Woolf observed, “Life is not a series of gig lamps symmetrically arranged; life is a luminous halo, a semi-transparent envelope surrounding us from the beginning of consciousness to the end.” The halo is never static; it moves and changes shape, just as we must. Even the philosopher Heraclitus famously said, ” You cannot step into the same river twice,” reminding us that change and shift are the very nature of existence. To live authentically, then, is to accept that we are always in motion, always becoming something new.
At the heart of all these shifts, growth, and changes is one undeniable truth: we are all human — imperfect, evolving, and beautifully complex. No one’s journey should be judged or rushed. As the Apostle Paul reminds us in 2 Corinthians 12:9, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Our vulnerabilities, our shifts, and our slow growth are not signs of failure, but of life’s grace working within us. Jesus himself said in John 13:34, “A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another.” That love includes compassion for ourselves and others as we move through seasons of change. So whether you’re shifting quietly, growing boldly, or changing completely, remember: this is your sacred path. Your pace is your own, and every step is worthy of respect and kindness— because being human means never standing still.
What I’m Currently Working on
These days, my schedule feels like a careful balancing act as I shift from teaching to focusing on writing and refining my craft. I returned to Texas around June 20th after completing my year of service in New Jersey. I’m no longer tutoring, as that was part of my program there. With middle school testing behind me, I find myself eagerly awaiting the start of my graduate school classes at UNT on August 18th. This past year has been quite transformative, and I’m excited to share my plans and the progress I’ve made during this time. To stay updated on my journey and what I’ll be working on next, feel free to visit the Works in Progress Page or follow the Facebook Page, where I share daily updates and fun tidbits.
Poem of the Month
by me
Unworthily Worthy
— all about being human and still deserving to be seen.
As I settle in to write this latest blog entry, I can’t help but reflect on the theme of persistence that has been prevalent in my life recently. It’s a quality I’ve always valued, but the kind words and recognition from friends and coworkers have inspired me to explore what it truly means to be persistent and how it connects with self-awareness and authenticity.
To me, persistence is a powerful force—it’s that inner drive that pushes us to keep moving forward, no matter what challenges we encounter. It feels like a reliable companion on our journey, motivating us to pursue our goals with determination. The past few weeks have shown me just how noticeable my persistence is to those around me, prompting me to reflect on how this characteristic aligns with my true self and the self-awareness I’ve developed over time.
I’ve realized that persistence isn’t just about pushing through obstacles; it’s about having a clear understanding of who we are. The more we recognize our strengths and weaknesses, desires and fears, the better we can navigate life’s ups and downs with resilience. Self-awareness is the foundation of authentic persistence, helping us set meaningful goals and understand when to push forward or change direction. As Maya Angelou wisely noted, “You may encounter many defeats, but you must not be defeated.”
Honest self-reflection has guided my approach to persistence. I strive to stay true to my values and intentions while chasing my dreams. When my actions align with my core beliefs, persistence feels less like a struggle and more like a natural part of who I am.
However, this journey hasn’t been without its challenges. It requires a readiness to face setbacks and learn from them, acknowledging the doubts that sometimes arise. I’ve faced frustrating moments where the way forward seemed unclear, but it’s in these situations that self-awareness has been invaluable. Recognizing my emotions and reactions allows me to reframe my perspective and find the motivation to keep going. As Thomas Edison pointed out, “Many of life’s failures are people who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up.”
When I embrace persistence authentically, I also inspire those around me to do the same. This creates a positive ripple effect, fostering a culture where we support each other in our journeys. Our experiences are interconnected, and the more we lean into our persistence, the more we encourage others to tap into their own potential.
As I look ahead to this new month filled with reflection and growth, I invite you to consider the role of persistence in your own life. How can you harness this powerful quality while staying true to yourself? Embrace the challenges and celebrate each step forward, for every moment is an opportunity to learn and grow.
Let’s journey together through the intricacies of persistence, building self-awareness along the way. Together, we can support one another in our pursuits and thrive on the path of authenticity. Here’s to writing the next chapter of our lives with determination, purpose, and a touch of courage! As the saying goes, “Do not wait to strike till the iron is hot, but make it hot by striking.”
What I’m Currently Working on
These days, my schedule feels like a careful balancing act as teaching, writing, and refining my craft take center stage. With testing for middle schoolers beginning, work has slowed down a bit, but it remains high maintenance as I navigate these critical weeks. As I look ahead to the end of my one-year contract on June 13th, I have only 10 working weeks left. I’m eager to share my plans and the progress I’m making during this time. To stay updated on my journey and what I’ll be working on next, feel free to visit the Works in Progress Page or follow the Facebook Page, where I share daily updates and fun tidbits.
What Im Currently Reading
Like many avid YA readers presently, I am currently making my way through Suzanne Collins’ latest entry into her Hunger Games books, Sunrise on the Reaping. This fifth book in her world of distant future Earth, Panem, focuses on Haymitch and when he won the Hunger Games. I share this in this post of persistence for two reasons: 1. Suzanne Collins’ dedication to these stories, this world, and these characters shows a beautiful level of persistence and drive. And 2. The character of Haymitch at his core, especially in this book, deeply relates to the characteristic of persistence. I highly recommend this book regardless of whether you are a fan already or not.
First things first, it’s hard to believe that I’ve been writing this little monthly blog for a whole year. I originally started it for a class, but it’s since evolved into a significant part of my life, especially in light of everything that has happened this year. If you’ve been following along, you’re already aware of my journey.
I graduated from college, moved to New Jersey, and continued my path of self-discovery. A key aspect of this journey has been building connections. As someone who struggles with social anxiety, lacks confidence, and has a natural shyness, making any kind of connection has always been challenging for me. I have a large family, and while those connections are important, they have their own difficulties.
That could be a topic for a future post, but today’s focus is on friendships. Making friends has never come easily to me. When I was younger, I had many friends, but they were more superficial connections. I wore a mask that prevented them from truly knowing me, as I didn’t allow myself to be vulnerable. Unsurprisingly, after a significant event in my life at eighteen, when I attempted to take my own life, most of these “friends” disappeared.
Since then, I haven’t put much effort into forming authentic friendships due to fear. However, to my surprise, I’ve managed to build true friendships here in New Jersey, thanks to amazing, patient, and understanding individuals. It has been a challenge, but I finally feel loved, seen, heard, and cared for.
While it may seem unusual for a personal journey, building connections with others is a crucial part of the process. I spent a long twelve years focusing on self-work, but I’ve now entered a new phase where I am actively working on my connection-building skills and discovering who I can be as a friend. This is a significant and challenging step for me but one that is necessary for my ongoing journey of authentic self-discovery. Our identities cannot be defined in isolation; they are shaped by our connections with others. Friends play a vital role in helping us understand and convey our identities to the world.
What I’m Currently Working on
These days, between work and personal projects, my schedule seems to be a juggling act of teaching, writing, and refining my craft. I’m excited about the new poems I’ve been crafting alongside my students, capturing their voices and experiences, which parallel my own journey of learning. As always, to follow my progression or what I am doing, you can head over to the Works in Progress Page or follow the Facebook Page where I post updates and share fun tidbits daily.
Author Recommendation
Author Recommendation
Poem for the Month
If you follow me on social media, then you will have already seen the following poem. It is titled mirror and is a recent poem I wrote. It explores seeing yourself differently because of the way others see you. This goes perfectly with this month’s theme as, more often than not, our friends see us differently ( hopefully in more of a positive light) than we see ourselves.
As I settled into October, I couldn’t help but reflect on the theme of learning, especially having been immersed in teaching recently. It struck me how learning never really ends; it’s a continuous thread woven throughout our lives. A quick glance back at my previous posts reminds me that while I’ve touched on various topics, I don’t think I’ve dedicated a post solely to the importance of learning. So here we are, diving into the journey of learning and the profound influence it has on our identities as we grow.
Maya Angelou once said, “I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.” These words resonate deeply with me, especially as I navigate my role as a teacher. I’ve come to realize that learning isn’t just about absorbing information—it’s about the transformative impact of those experiences. It’s about cultivating connections, grappling with ideas, and ultimately growing together.
Throughout my recent teaching experiences, I’ve been reminded that the classroom is a microcosm of the larger world. Each student brings a unique perspective, and there’s an incredible richness in learning from one another. As I guide my students through their own discoveries, I find myself learning right alongside them. It’s almost a beautifully selfish endeavor, where I learn just as much—if not more—than they do.
Reflecting on my own journey, I realize that some lessons have come wrapped in struggles and challenges. I’ve faced my share of tough moments, but even in those, there’s been profound growth. It’s a reminder that learning looks different for everyone, and the path is often winding and filled with surprises.
The essence of learning is that it evolves. As someone who has always been a curious soul, I find that every experience—good or bad—adds to the tapestry of who I am. Embracing lifelong learning has been one of my greatest challenges and rewards. I’ve learned to lean into the discomfort of not knowing, welcoming the opportunity to grow and question without fear of answers. I’m more determined than ever to embrace this mindset—and I encourage you to do the same. Let’s light the fire of curiosity, seek out new ideas, and support one another in our individual journeys of learning. Be it in the classroom or elsewhere, every interaction holds the potential for growth.
What I’m Currently Working on
These days, between work and personal projects, my schedule seems to be a juggling act of teaching, writing, and refining my craft. I’m excited about the new poems I’ve been crafting alongside my students, capturing their voices and experiences, which parallel my own journey of learning. As always, to follow my progression or what I am doing, you can head over to the Works in Progress Page or follow the Facebook Page where I post updates and share fun tidbits daily.
As I sat down to write this blog post with thoughts of Identity possibly being the topic of theme this month, I found myself shocked as I looked through my ten past blog posts dating back to November (which is crazy to think it has already almost been a year since I started this website journey), because surely I thought I had already written on the topic. Alas, though, I have not written one single blog on Identity solely, although it is at the forefront of all my writing. This website highlights the pure essence of my Identity and the importance of Identity as a concept to me.
However, since I have yet to write one, this eleventh blog will focus primarily on Identity, so let’s go! According to Oxford, Identity is defined as the fact of being who or what a person or thing is. Okay, Oxford! Way to simplify that (Ha). That’s the thing with Identity; it is not simple and is so so hard to define, so good effort, Oxford.
Defining Identity, especially one’s own Identity, takes time; we aren’t truly ourselves until we fully come to an end, so that’s the trick. Identity is constantly changing, adapting, and ever-evolving. The key to it is being aware of that. Noticing and grasping the pivotal moments of ourselves and who we are is important to self-awareness. Frankly, it is hard, tiring, and stressful, but ultimately beneficial to your life and success. My Identity has been a struggle pretty much from birth.
Born to two individuals who had previous marriages and already six children between them before they had me, though beautiful, was an instant thrust into difficult identity struggles. Unfortunately, being in a blended family causes a lot of pointing and staring. Then, on top of that, as a child, I had a speech impediment to which most people, even my mother, really couldn’t understand me, so I was in my head a lot from a very early day. Because of that, I already asked myself pivotal identity questions, but I really couldn’t ask anyone about them.
I also am and was raised Christian, so honestly, that didn’t stop the questions from stopping. Fast forward because of these important key factors in my Identity and the struggle with them up to that point, my major anxiety sneaked into me and introduced me shortly after to its friend and partner depression, which tried to but failed to have me meet its bride death. And now, here I am because of those major elements of my Identity and several more. I am here today as the person I am, JustLj.
What I’m Currently Working on
I have now been living in NJ going into three months now, with my year of service as a fellow with the GoFoundation in full swing. This new venture and opportunity currently has been taking up most of my time, but I am hoping as I adjust and the year progresses, it won’t take up as much time as it has, so I can continue my blogging and writing as I was before. I am still also busy submitting my poems and short stories anywhere and everywhere. As always, to follow my progression or what I am doing, you can head over to the Works in Progress Page or follow the Facebook Page where I post updates and share fun tidbits daily.
Author Recommendation
Poem for the Month
This month in the spirit of identity I am going to focus these sections on my self and share two poems. The first is actually one I wrote alongside my students at work during tutorial as we read a collection of three poems about dual identity from Annie Donwerth- Chikamatsu. The other was inspired from my attendance of a night out listening to poetry this past weekend at the Blank Studios.
Life has meaning only in the struggle. Triumph or defeat is in the hands of the Gods. So let us celebrate the struggle!
–Stevie Wonder
This month has certainly been a doozy, but in the best of ways. May 25th was my commitment ceremony for my time studying at Southern New Hampshire University (SNHU). Not only that, but throughout the whole month, I have taken the time to not only reflect, which I mostly did last month, but also to celebrate my accomplishment fully, not just on the 25th. As the above Stevie Wonder quote expresses and inspires times of struggle, call for proper celebration.
My college journey started in 2019. First, I studied hard and got my GED that same year and followed the momentum without a second thought, and enrolled in college. I chose SNHU because it had online courses and an English and creative writing program. I didn’t really know what I wanted to do with a degree but I knew I wanted to get one to prove to myself I could. As for the chosen major and program, I had been writing poetry for myself since I was 18 to cope with my depression and anxiety, so I thought it was a good start reference to study. If Im being honest, though, in those early days, I really doubted myself because I hadn’t stayed with a full commitment to something for too long in my adulthood at that point. So, the fact that I have now completed the process is unbelievable and overwhelming to me and worth celebrating. I apologize now because I have a feeling this won’t be the last time I write on this, and yes, Im aware most of my blog posts have been about my impending graduation, but that’s because it is such a monumental deal for me. Celebrating this journey and no accomplished endeavor is what I hope is the first of many big deal moments moving forward in the future that calls for celebration.
However, my achievement made me think about celebration hard hence why I am writing about it this month in this blog. Sadly as someone who lives and struggles with mental health issues, I have not given myself many opportunities to personally celebrate, so I have never given the word much thorough investigation, surprisingly. The Oxford Dictionary defines celebration as : to show that a day or an event is important by doing something special on it. Given this definition, why don’t we/I celebrate every day?
Even the earlier shared quote from Stevie Wonder begs this question because if every day is a struggle and we should celebrate the struggle why do we all pick special and specific days and events to fully celebrate? As a person who doesn’t give myself enough credit, the commencement ceremony was so special for me; my family gathering and showering me with gifts, treats, and sweet words was everything; it felt so good and so foreign. Should it have felt so foreign, though, is that right that it was, is that a personal problem or one society has created? As a writer, of course, my response to these questions was to find more quotes and seeing others’ thoughts on this concern :
I think people in Italy live their lives better than we do. It’s an older country, and they’ve learned to celebrate dinner and lunch, whereas we sort of eat as quickly as we can to get through it.
–George Clooney
The more you praise and celebrate your life, the more there is in life to celebrate.
–Oprah Winfrey.
These respective quotes shed light on my concern for celebration and lack there of common self-celebration. Out of the two I really like the Clooney one because it really highlights how this issue could well be and likely is a societal problem in American culture. I do believe, however that this problem is fading because of influential people and work bringing attention to it. As someone who tried to stop my life way too early, I fortunately understand and know now how every day is precious, beautiful, meaningful, and worth celebrating. I also know, unfortunately that not everyone feels this way or has come to this understanding as of yet. If you are one of those people in the ladder group, first, I am so happy you have found your way to my page as that is its purpose, but more importantly, even though I know how hard it is to take the time every day to celebrate yourself and the fact you have stepped into and completed yet another day.
What I’m Currently Working on
As always, to follow my progression or what I am doing, you can head over to the Works in Progress Page or follow the Facebook Page where I post updates and share fun tidbits daily.
Author Recommendation
this month’s author recommendation is a duo, Terry Pratchett and Neil Gaiman. Currently, I am reading the classic that is Good Omens. For those who have never read it, I highly recommend it. Pratchett and Gaiman create a fun, witty, and innovative narrative on good and evil through the perspective of a cast of wack, goofy, and smart characters with unique takes on life as the world is on the brink of Armageddon. As my readers know, I like to make my monthly recommendations tie into my theme for the month, and I dug deep and wrapped my brain tirelessly to do so for this novel and came up with this quote from the book:
“The world is full of all sorts of brilliant stuff and I haven’t found out all about it yet, so I don’t want anyone messing it about or endin’ it before I’ve had a chance to find out about it. So you can all just go away.” ― Neil Gaiman, Good Omens: The Nice and Accurate Prophecies of Agnes Nutter, Witch
This quote plays into the latter notion of my thoughts on self-celebration in the blog, as it truly captures the element that a new day of living is worth celebrating alone.
This week, my final week of my final term online with SNHU, has been one full of reflection. Not only do my last two classes that end tomorrow call for reflection in all the final assignments but I personally have just found myself in the state as this journey comes to an end and the next begins. Reflection is an important process of both the beginning and start of anything; we can not move on to the next thing until we reflect on how we have grown and changed due to whatever just ended. Lao Tzu says, “The greatest journey is the one of self-discovery.”
My college journey started in 2019. First, I studied hard and got my GED that same year and followed the momentum without a second thought, and enrolled in college. I chose SNHU because it had online courses and an English and creative writing program. I didn’t really know what I wanted to do with a degree but I knew I wanted to get one to prove to myself I could. As for the chosen major and program, I had been writing poetry for myself since I was 18 to cope with my depression and anxiety, so I thought it was a good start reference to study. If Im being honest, though, in those early days, I really doubted myself because I hadn’t stayed with a full commitment to something for too long in my adulthood at that point. So, the fact that I have now completed the process is unbelievable and overwhelming to me. I apologize now because I have a feeling this won’t be the last time I write on this, and yes, Im aware most of my blog posts have been about my impending graduation, but that’s because it is such a monumental deal for me. Reflecting back on the start of this journey and how it started spontaneously on a hopeful whim to how its ending is a journey in itself.
I went into my first year still doubting, soft-spoken, and completely and utterly scared. The change in me and how quick it came within just that first year of courses online is still outstanding to me. I found myself doing and speaking out about stuff that I had wanted to for years from going by Lj at long last, even though I had wanted to since at least pre-K, and playing D&D (Dungeons & Dragons) for the first time and becoming completely enamored, shout out to Critical Role for educating me during the pandemic. Though these things may seem small, they showcase the confidence and personal growth I went through during not just that first year but continued still today.
This website and this blog are also a huge reflection of my growth, as this is not something I would have been confident enough to do, sadly, without SNHU. My time, though brief, as a freelance writer with multiple websites back in 2020 and 2021, such as ScreenRant.com, wouldn’t have been fathomable either, and further the decision and acknowledgment of myself that I am not that type of writer to write articles and news. I also have a huge opportunity coming up that could be life-changing that I would have never sought out or thought attainable for me without the confidence and self-awareness I built with my time at SNHU. More than that, though, my skills and identity as a writer/who I want to be as a writer would not have happened without SNHU. Self-identifying as a poet/author of the YA contemporary and fantasy audiences of those voiceless individuals looking for themselves would not have been found without the countless times of reflection made throughout the various courses I had with SNHU.
See, as a writer, I know how important reflection is because reflection is a necessary process during revision. I story in any format can not be told before you understand why it is YOU are telling. Similarly, so, a story can not be fully finished before you reflect on it to see how that beginning sentiment changed and if that change is good. As of right now, this chapter of my life, which is my college career, does seem like it changed me for the better, but only time will tell. Recently, I made a Spotify playlistreflecting on my time with SNHU if you want to check that out. I already posted it on the official JustLj Facebook page, which you should follow for updates, which there will likely be a lot of soon.
What I’m Currently Working on
Currently, I am one day away(as of April 27th) from the last day of my last two courses at SNHU, Advanced Creative Writing and Popular Culture, instructed by Professor Molly Sutton Kiefer and Phillip Wagner. As always, to follow my progression or what I am doing, you can head over to the Works in Progress Page or follow the Facebook Page where I post updates and share fun tidbits daily.
Author Recommendation
This month, keeping the theme of reflection, I am going to share my own work in this section. One piece is from the start of my college journey, and another represents the end of my college journey.
All The Blue Things
Tonight, Dani was finally going to put an end to the constant object of his maddening mind. Blue, blue, nothing but blue in a continual loop in his head for over ten years ever since he first saw it.
It was one of his earliest memories as he was startled awake one night by an intruder like the world had never seen. Dani himself first thought himself to be having a nightmare. What he saw stumbling and fumbling around his room looked like an exaggerated character from one of his favorite TV shows.
The creature had to hunch over to fit in Dani’s small bedroom; however, it was thin enough it didn’t seem to be too uncomfortable. With its giant hands and feet, it crawled around in search of something, which Dani found odd since it was in his room.
Suddenly the Monster roared, only it wasn’t a furious noise, more like a boisterous chuckle. At a closer vantage point, Dani could see the creature was extremely hairy with untamable blue fur all over it except for its hands and feet, as well as three sections on its face for its large bulbous eyes and a small green buttoned nose.
An outstretched mouth began to salivate as the Monster stared at Dani’s favorite teddy bear. As if the moment couldn’t get even more unbelievable, the beast spoke.
“Blue,”
it mumbled out through the gross amount of fur and saliva. Referencing the color of the teddy bear, it began to open its mouth wider as it slowly leaned towards the stuffed animal as if it was going to eat it.
“No! That’s mine!” the young Dani loudly muttered out.
The Monster stopped what it was doing and turned its attention to Dani.
“Give it!”
Dani proclaimed, to which the Monster tilted its head then said,
“Mo Monster love blue.”
Then just like that, he tossed the blue teddy bear in his mouth, letting out a disgusting loud burp afterward to show its satisfaction.
“Yummy blue!” Mo announced before escaping away out of Dani’s bedroom window.
Now fifteen years old, Dani was an odd young man due to his obsession with Mo Monster. Gone were the days of having friends. Most of the kids who grew up with him had given up on him. His parents had even given up on trying to have him be an ‘ordinary’ kid. At one point, they had him go to a therapist, but after a while, even the professional gave up.
Dani could care less about his well-being and what people thought. He would focus on all of that after he captured Mo Monster.
Dani learned a little more about the bizarre blue beast throughout the years each time it came lurking. After the first couple of times, Dani realized Mo would leave only after consuming a blue object, much like his once blue teddy bear. Dani would use all of it to finally trap the Monster as his prize.
Knowing tonight was the night Mo always visited ever since that fateful night so long ago now. He waited till his parents left for their date night, so the house was all his, so he used every inch to his exposure of entrapping his mischievous enemy.
Piling various blue things right in the middle of the largest area in the house, the family room. He had acquired a snare trap that was discretely hidden near the alluring pile that would string him up by his ginormous feet so he could not run.
Of course, Mo wouldn’t just come while Dani was obviously waiting for him, so he would need to go about the night as if it was any other and wait till the Monster arrived. While pretending to be asleep, he heard a loud ruckus he hoped was a tied-up monster.
Dangling by his feet, trying to get out of the snare, was the enormous blue and fuzzy wide-eyed Monster known as Mo.
The moment should’ve been the crowning achievement of Danis’ life, but looking at his rival now, he couldn’t help to see a metaphorical representation of what his own life had become.
Mo Monsters’ whole life was chasing one thing over and over with no real purpose. Seeing that he was doing the same, Dani released the Monster, who was never seen again.
Whispers in the Wind
The city buzzes around me, a whirlwind of noise and chaos. In the midst of it all, I feel like a ghost wandering through a world that no longer reconizes me. My name is Maya Dawson, a poet by passion, a lost soul by circumstance. The words that used to flow so effortlessly from my pen have dried up, leaving me hollow and adrift.
On this particularly bleak afternoon, I find myself in a rundown cafe on the outskirts of the city. The smell of stale coffee and cigarette smoke hangs heavy in the atmosphere as I sit alone at a table, staring blankly at the empty pages of my poetry notebook.
Just then a voice breaks through the fog of my thoughts—a voice belonging to an old man with the kindest eyes and gentleness of smiles.
“I’ve been watching you, Maya,” the old man says, his voice soft in tone but filled with the utmost certainty. “I can see the storm raging within you, the words trapped in your heart, desperate to be set free.” His words echo throughout me, stirring something long dormant deep inside.
Eli, as the old man introduces himself soon, thereafter, becomes a rather steadfast presence in my life over time. He leads me to a hidden garden tucked away from the rest of the world, a sanctuary of silence and solitude. It is there, surrounded by lush greenery and the sweet scent of flowers, I feel a whisper of something—something greater than myself.
As the days turn into weeks, Eli becomes a mentor of sorts to me, guiding me through the labyrinth of my own soul. He encourages me to confront my greatest fears, to embrace all of my doubts, and to ultimately give voice against the shadows that haunt me. Through his patient wisdom, I begin to see a glimmer of light at the end of my voiceless tunnel.
One night, under a canopy of stars, I find myself alone in the hidden garden, the weight of the world heavy on my shoulders. With a trembling hand, I pick up my trusty old pen and begin to write at long last in my wordless book for poems. They come slowly at first, like a hesitant whisper, but then the words finally flow like a torrent of emotion and truth.
In this moment of complete vulnerability, I close my eyes and whisper out my deepest sorrows as well as my happiest joys to the wind, letting my written word become spoken to perhaps the heavens above.
“ I do not want to go to war
with myself
with my identity
but I have always struggled
with the sense of self
the sense
of me
The fear is to unlock the cage to let it be free to only know what not to do
The uncertainty that the decision would be a guaranteed benefit to me
But what if the long turn of hide and seek is the real regret
and only thing that will come with guilt once
I come face to face with death
Is the fight worth standing up for
or should I fall and start anew
What really am I fighting
if
I am constantly questioning
Am I afraid that these thoughts aren’t me
or am I actually terrified to truly come out of my shell
and be the butterfly
I was always meant to be.”
I feel a sense real release—of true peace—washing over me like a cleansing rain.
And then, to my utter surprise, and amazement, I hear my very words echoing back to me through the gentle breeze as the wind rustles through the nearby leaves causing me to weep.
As the first light of dawn breaks over the horizon of the garden that following morning, Eli appears beside me as I calmly awake my pen and notebook still clutched and open in my hands and dry tears adorned down my cheeks. His eyes are filled with a quite knowing as he says with that gentle caress of his old smile to me, “You have found your voice, Maya. You have spoken to God, and He has heard you.”
In that moment, surrounded by the beauty of the garden and the warmth of Eli’s kind presence, I realize that the key to finding myself was hidden within me all along.
Poem for the Month
Following the same sentiments as above in the theme of this month’s theme of reflection, I will share a poem from the beginning of my college journey and a more recent one.
Although change is inevitable, it is by far the most common struggle we all share. The process of change is hard for everyone, and we all have our methods of dealing with it, whether healthy or not. Like the brain in the picture above, many of us just choose to ignore the stress of the struggle while others spiral visibly and noticeably due to the anticipation of change. This month, this struggle of the anticipation and stress of change has been at the forefront of my mind.
I have always had a hard time dealing with and adjusting to change. Both at small and small volumes, change has been a trigger of stress in my chemically imbalanced and anxiety-filled mind, and I have dealt with change poorly on both spectrums of too much and too little. Change should not be downplayed or played. Change just simply is and should always be viewed that way, it is neither good or bad it just is. Change happens and is transitional. We all started as a change in this world. This is a hard concept to grasp, though, because we are human, and all humans are reactionary. So how do we really deal with change properly, then? How can we make it less of a struggle? How do we prevent the stress it usually always brings on?
Well to be relatable I googled searched those questions to share here, and the top result took me to The British Heart Foundation, where it had an article of twelve tips on coping with change: #1- Learn to accept what has happened #2- Pace yourself #3- Ask for help from loved ones #4- Look for new opportunities #5-Carry a self-help reminder #6- Have a strategy for dealing with stress #7- Have a story that you can tell easily #8- Give yourself time #9- Be involved with others #10-Get into a routine #11- Avoid self-medicating with alcohol or drugs #12- Don’t make major life changes. While that’s all well and good, and some of those are good suggestions, I honestly wouldn’t recommend searching Google for all your struggles (sorry for tricking you). Struggles are personal and should be treated as such, and the internet, while great, doesn’t solve everything but can be a helpful resource. At the end of the day, everyone is different and will need to do different things to cope with their struggles.
Currently I have been stressing with upcoming changes coming with my undergraduate career coming to an end next month. The stress of figuring out what to do next weighing heavy on me. As someone who knows my mental health limits, I have developed the ideal coping methods and tools for myself in these moments, but that doesn’t mean it’s any easier; it just means I have lived and struggled long enough to know myself; this was not always the case. I find, for me personally, writing such as poetry or journaling, reading, praying, and talking about the triggers of change and stress to others as my prime was of coping for mostly anything but especially in regards to change. More often than not, talking out and through your struggles to someone will give you a new perspective and reassurance about the circumstance. Friends and family are great resources to utilize so utilize them. Change can be scary, and that’s exactly why it makes sense not to do it alone.
That last sentence is also a good transition to discuss the flip of that in regard to friends and family. Just as you should utilize and lean on them in these stressful moments, remember that they should also be able to do so on you. Coping, seeking, and asking for help is more difficult for some. I know that for a fact. Sometimes, even the most independent people are the ones in the most need of help. I have had a few people currently in my life going through different levels of stress due to change or anticipation leading to change. Although it is inevitable, our support and awareness of change and the potential stress it may bring to ourselves and others should be just as reliable as that inevitability.
What I’m Currently Working on
Currently, I am in week four of eight of my last two courses at SNHU, Advanced Creative Writing and Popular Culture, instructed by Professor Molly Sutton Kiefer and Phillip Wagner. As always, to follow my progression or what I am doing, you can head over to the Works in Progress Page or follow the Facebook Page where I post updates and share fun tidbits daily.
Author Recommendation
I was first introduced to this story by watching the movie adaptation staring Abigail Breslin years ago, but just recently bought the book at my local library’s book sale, and I think it is very appropriate to use it as my recommendation for this month’s blog post as it has been appropriate for me to read during this time. The story is told by a lawyer navigating a recently passed client’s nephew in following the client’s last will and testament. It is a story of the true meaning of life, meaning the small things. This story really puts life into perspective, and regardless of your age, race, gender, and beliefs, I highly recommend it.
The Oxford Dictionary defines tradition as the following:
The transmission of beliefs, statements, customs, etc., from generation to generation; the fact of being passed on in this way.
December is what I would call the month of tradition. Everyone has traditions centered around and for this month. With family. With friends. Or even just with ourselves. Tradition is a powerful term as it can give a sense of nostalgia, stress, and frustration, as well as the purest sentiment of happiness. This month also can be a mark and trigger for loss to many. It is a fickle time of year that can be downright difficult to navigate.
My family doesn’t have many traditions, especially as us seven siblings have gotten older. As a child, I don’t recall any family-held traditions, but in my later teens and up to now, we have the traditional game night on Christmas Eve, where we play board games and card games as a family. This tradition is a cherished one, in my opinion, and brings togetherness to our large family. However, as I have been reminded this year, there has also been the less joyous tradition of my sister’s health spiking negatively. Something about the holidays really does a number on my sister’s weak immune system. Over the last several years, she has more often or not had to be taken to the hospital right before, during, or right after Christmas.
This has caused her children and the rest of my family to worry and keep our guard up just in case. To me, this has been much more noticeable in her eldest son this year. He is on edge and just full of worry. Tradition is good, but in this way, it is powerful. Tradition is created to teach habits into memory, and globally, Christmas/the holidays is the longest-standing tradition, and I believe this is why we center so many good and bad traditions around this month.
When setting and engaging in traditions, we need to remember how fickle and powerful they truly are. Take another lesser family tradition of mine, mostly because me my Mom and my sister watch it a lot whenever outside of the holidays, watching Fiddler on the Roof. As a kid, my favorite part was singing along with “If I Were a Rich Man,” but as I got older and my appreciation for good narrative and God grew, the part I used as the image of this blog became my favorite.
It is a pivotal part of the story as Tevye and his traditions are tested yet again by one of his daughters. As Tevye does throughout the story, he begins talking to God. At first, it is a one-sided conversation of utter frustration until Tevye opens up his mind and heart that going against his traditions to make new traditions was, in deed, God’s plan all along.
So as Christmas and the New Year come around, remember Tevye as a reminder not to necessarily stay steadfast to our traditions. Be open and ready to be taught the lessons of old and new traditions regardless of how they started. Every ending is a beginning waiting to happen in this crazy, beautiful, never-ending story we call life. That is the true reason for the season, is it not? No matter what you believe or don’t believe, this time of the year marks new beginnings in one way or another.
Be merry and stay healthy, all!
What I’m Currently Working on
Currently, I am on my Christmas break with my online studies at SNHU. I finished my last term with A’s in both courses. My next term, which is my second to last term before graduating, begins Jan. 8th. Those two courses will be Advanced Fiction Writing and Seminar in American Literature. Other than that, I have been working on building this website further along with the accompanying Facebook page, which, if you haven’t followed yet seriously, you should by going here: https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=61554686300912; we have been sharing Christmas poems and favorite characters on there this month.
Author Recommendation
Although not entirely about Christmas, I felt it was within the right mood to share Long Live the Pumpkin Queen: Tim Burton’s The Nightmare Before Christmas as my recommendation this month. I read this sequel story to the classic Halloween and Christmas movie by Shea Ernshaw recently. The book very much follows the aesthetic of my brand and the site as it follows Sally struggling with her identity after marrying Jack and becoming the Pumpkin Queen. It is a beautiful self-discovery journey, and Ernshaw does a terrific job of capturing the essence of Nightmare Before Christmas and Sally while also building upon and making her own world. I highly recommend reading it!
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